Where the Stars Don’t Shine

Have you ever stood outside and looked up at the sky hoping to see the stars only to seek dark clouds? Or if you are like me, living in the city, you only see muddled earthly light and tall buildings.

This is the last month of the year. For many, it has been a difficult one. When you thought it could not have gotten worse, it did. For others, joy came and there was a respite in those clouds.

As I look back over the past year, I realize that in many ways, I did a lot of growing. There were some growing pains that went a long with that. This past month, the growing has finally culminated in a large epiphany. I am at a place in life where I am able to look back at the strides I have taken and have put the pieces together. The picture of what God has been teaching is emerging.

Over the past five years of my life, there has been a lot of hurt, a lot of confusion, and a lot of difficult times. As most of you know, my family often faced uncertainty about our future. We were separated from each other, our friends and extended family. This journey affected a lot of my college experience. I did not realize just how much until recently. I knew I was insecure. I knew I had a difficult time committing to long term friendships. I knew I was often sad and afraid. But somehow I did not realize much of its source…or maybe I just tried to ignore it.

Life was not all bad though. I would not trade the experiences I had in the places I lived for the world (Hah!…I kinda already have the world anyway). And as much as I did not want to reach out and spend the energy to keep in contact with people, I still somehow found the blessing of relationships…especially when I needed them most.

So I here I stand at a point where I can see the miles of my life stretching behind me, and for the first time in my life I am beginning to understand. I am beginning to understand better than ever the love God has shown me. And because of that I have become a more confident person. I have been able to take on more challenges including sharing Christ's love with more people than ever before. Because of this I have also been forced to really solidify what I believe and why I believe it. And I share with them only because I am able to look back at my life and tell a story of how Jesus loved me first.

My sky does not always seem as clear. I have often come running to many of you with tears and questions. The thing is, we are told to keep running (Hebrews 12). So tonight, I encourage you. If you look up and see only a clouded dark sky, or maybe you do not see sky because there are so many buildings, remember that the stars are still shining. In a way, they are always there just like God, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are always there - Only God was there even before the stars - which is pretty cool. Keep running. And continue to ask the hard questions in life. This is the only way you will find answers.

For some of you who read this, it may seem a little corny or sappy. Others may have not seen the Love of God in the same way as I have, and this hurts or confuses them. But I hope and pray that for most of you, this is just a good reminder to why we celebrate this time of year.

I love you guys and could never repay the support, love and gifts you have given me. Even so, I ask that you continue taking this journey with me.